OS - Fookin' hilarious way to get your kid out of bed.....

 Posted Date: : Jun 8, 2007 7:25 AM

     It all started a few months ago with the random thought…"wouldn't it be funny if I could get the dogs to jump on Anna?".  Yeah, it would be.  So with very little coaxing I got Stan to jump up there and bounce around a bit.  For the past few months it's been me with the "come on Stan's" and sometimes Jack but he just watches (crazy lady thing), but Stan gets up there and bugs the hell out of the kid til she gets up.  But recently things have been changing and today was perfection…….All I did was head down the hall and BOTH dogs ran ahead and bounced the kid to the extreme……when I started this project I never could have hoped for such an outcome.  I could so be a dog trainer.  And you know what?  When a kid is dogged out of bed they don't go back to sleep lmao…..they've got some adrenaline pumping. 

OS - I need a vacation

Posted Date: : Jun 7, 2007 12:43 AM

     Really.  My 4 days of boys at Grandma and Grandpa's turned into 2 days, dangit.  Though very appreciative of the 2 days it came to about 12 hours of kid free time…..not quite hitting the "vacation"  mark in my mind.  As we're leaving my father-in-law says they won't want to eat for a while because he just gave them a snack. WooHoo, great….no sooner than I start the car and Jake starts with the "I'm hungrys".  I need a vacation.  I just can't figure out how to get rid of them all at once for any length of time.  Do they have kid kennels?  Like for animals?  Just leave them there as long as you want to pay for?  That would be awesome.  Once again I'm thinking $300 a month will get the boys all day kindergarten next year, so much more appealing than the normal 2.5 hours.  It's like another year of preschool.  I had a plan for these four days…first day do nothing, second day putter around and get ready to clean, third day clean, fourth day enjoy clean house and get boys.  So all I got done was laundry picked up and went through all the art and school work and tossed without fear of being caught.  I am sad.

     The girls and I went to Anna's Girls Scout bridging ceremony..whoop…it was supposed to be a finger food potluck.  Since when are fruit rolls, little Debbie cookies, individual bags of chips and ice cream cups fodder for a potluck?  Really sad.  And boring.  And unhealthy. 

     Before I went to pick up the boys I went to the Talent show at the girls school.  Anna was doing a dance dealie with a bunch of girls.  That kid has no trouble performing in front of a crowd.  Lord knows where she got that from.  Not me that's for sure.  For all her not having a stunning stand out talent she has the best option lol.  She doesn't mind messing up and will keep working on something and on top of it has no fear of failure or embarrassment.  Lucky kid.  The educational system won't be able to work their torture upon her.  I was like the girl at the beginning who sang but looked petrified or the other girl who just stood there while her partners did their thing then ran off stage for awhile, returned for a bit then left again.  Why torture yourself?  The only thing I got from the forced public speaking experiences was a determination to never speak in public.  They always said "well, what if you get a job where you have to?"  Ummmm………WHY THE HECK WOULD I DO THAT?  There's enough jobs out there where you don't have to.  I'm proud of Anna though, she does really good.   I'm tired.

OS - I'm thinking I maybe just might perhaps do a sit up today.

 Posted Date: : Jun 6, 2007 9:07 AM

     I got fed up with my pants last night and bought a new pair.  While a smaller size (woohoo), they are now a smidge tight and I wouldn't want to show off a "muffin top" now would I?  I was somewhat happy though, they were a size 14 and the previous were 18, 16 just didn't work……..it was like a gift even if just in my own little mind.  I hate it when it feel like your pants feel like you're sitting in a grocery bag around the waist, just hate it.  So…….a sit up is in the works.  Problem is I make all these big plans and never get to them, I'll probably just get as far a lying on my back looking at the ceiling.  There's all kinds of cool patterns up there, my bedroom ceiling starts in the middle and sunbursts out to the walls but the light wasn't centered ( and that REALLY bugs me) so it's kitty whompas.  I really want to know why they did that, it's a square room……damn, forgot an 8:00 appointment so I just tore out of here for a bit but I'm back now……..so if the room is square why not center the thing?  I also have Jesus on my dresser and a penis on my bathroom door.  It's a little short mushroomy one but very obviously one. 

    Joe called last night, he's being kept in Colorado til at least June 19^th now, has an appointment with a neurologist…..hmmmmm……no comment.   Guess they just check any injury out pretty thoroughly before they let them go.  I'm ashamed to say we were at Thompsons again when he called, but I really felt the need for a bacon cheeseburger and wth Joe was on his way any day lol.  So we went again, at least the waiters are usually cute.  Nah…they always are.  Even the scrungy one.  Went to Walmart afterwards because I needed dog biscuits, poor dogs have been getting tortilla chips for letting me lock them in the kitchen.  They've gotten used to them now but the first few days they just dropped them on the floor and it was that crazy lady look again.  It's gonna blow their minds to have to go back to dog biscuits.   Got the dog biscuits, the smaller pants, Styx greatest hits, and a sketch book for Anna, Katie, and Jake….didn't bother with Isaac because he won't draw.   I can get all the others sedated with the drawing but Isaac just goes off and builds something, so I figured hey……special notebooks where all the pictures remain ATTACHED…..oooohhhhhh…..that's gotta help with the piles of art everywhere lol.  I love their little pictures really I do, I thought of having Jake draw me a tattoo but figured that would leave the others out so I dropped that idea…..I am going to try to get Joe to agree to having a kid draw one though.  Joe wants to tattoo over the name, his own, on his shoulder with a shark.  Hmmmm…I have the protective turtles and he wants the vicious, lean mean killing machine, how symbolic is that lmao.  So maybe Jake can draw one and it'll at least be a cute mean animal.  And Jake will be oh so proud of it lol, and Joe will have something not so perfect to deal with.  I guess I figure if he'll accept a not perfect thing on his arm it's a good sign.  If that makes sense.

     I need food.  BRB.  Rice, eggs and spicy soy sauce has got to be the best breakfast in the world.  On special occasions throw in some Spam  lol.  I never had Spam til I met Joe, it's a disgusting little meat product but oh so good.  Sometimes.  I remember those commercials years ago where they would go to grocery store and ask people what they thought Spam was and the one lady says It's a little white animal, that has stuck with me….that and the "punch it Margaret" commercials.  That's good advertising.  Damn I have to mow that blasted lawn, normally I don't mind and kind of enjoy it, I don't want to pay the bills either.  Maybe it's just the end of what's going to be 16 months and I'm ready to, I don't know, go to the next step or something……burned out on the same old same old.  My horoscope did say I would be really lucky today and just might win something…….lottery ticket?   Wish me luck.

OS - "The paste brush dropped unceremoniously to the ground......

 Posted Date: : Jun 5, 2007 12:00 AM

............. and she slowly stood up.  Alec continued to play the chords, but his eyes were searing into hers.  She walked to him with deliberate steps, her bare feet soundless on the glossy floor."   

     Who writes this crap and do they care that it sells at Biglots for .50?  Better question……why am I reading it?  Anyway I'm into my fourth hour without kids and not sure what to do.  I tried to watch the View…..SHUT UP LADIES……made it about halfway.  Took a shower and coconut oiled myself…mmmmm…….Almond Joy.  I love coconut oil and now that the weather's a bit warm it's actually liquidy right now which makes it easy to take a shower with lol.  Take a little bit of oil and some sugar and you end up all smooth and candy bar smelling.  So if I see anyone who reads this today and I look a bit shiny that's why.   Or maybe it's better described as "dewey", yeah, that sounds better.  I'm "dewey". 

     I'm still waiting on The Rock to add me as a friend.  I don't know much about The Rock but it's all a part of the the big myspace friends list construction plan……I wanted to get Guns N Roses and The Rock and when I get them both then I want to get the Lesbian Lounge and put them in the middle.  I so need a life.  So hopefully soon The Rock will add me, when he does I'll let you know.  The Rock.  Rock.  What do you think his wife calls him?  Yo….Rock…..git that spider.  I want someone to kill spiders for me.  Not that I can't kill them myself…it's just the idea.  I asked Randy to kill one once and he just whacked it and left a huge splat on the wall.  Never asked him again.  Joe says I can do it myself……well du-uuuuuh……no shit…….  If I'm ever in the relationshippal situation again god forbid, that will be my one requirement I think.  The response to "hey, git that spider".  I think that will tell me all I need to know.  I'm such a romantic. 

     My trash bags smell like old lady.  It said on the bag mountain fresh, or spring sensation, or meadow melody or something…..all I smell is old lady.  Maybe they have romance writers name the scents on those things.  I don't like smelly things like that……."oh the kitchen smells like old lady, but try the bathroom…in there it's shameless hussy".   I'm a firm believer that if your trash smells live with it or take it out.  Nasty smells are natures way of saying get off your dewey ass and clean something.  I guess me and my dewey ass are off to clean something……adieu.

OS - A gloriously ok wasted day

Jun 4, 2007

A gloriously okay wasted day

Current mood:cynical

     After yesterday, today was pretty damn nice……didn't do squat, my poor lawn.  This morning, in the interest of myself, I called my in-laws and asked if they could take the boys today, then if they could keep them for a few days.  I never do that.  No reason, just take them for a bit.  So the boys are gone til Friday…….it's only Tuesday.  OMG.  Oooops…it's not even Tuesday, it's only Monday.  I dropped them off at 4 this afternoon and the only reason I'll get them back any sooner than Friday is because Joe comes in earlier than expected.  So after losing the boys I took the girls to Thompsons because they never get to go, it's always the boys that go.  The girls got strawberry lemonade with dinner AND a milkshake after and all was so nice and calm except the part where Katie couldn't have the ketchup anywhere near the spot some offensive pickles (that I rescued her from) were sitting so she tried to put it up on the edge of the paper dealie in the plate and not only did the paper cave and dump but the ketchup bottle splooted at the same time.  So that was fun. 

     The whole house just seems quieter without the wee ones.  Even though they'd be sleeping by now anyway, maybe the house just resonates for awhile with all the chaos.  Whatever it is, it's nice.  A vacation before the storm.  OH…..guess what?  Guns N Roses accepted me as a friend!!!!!  They don't have the song I wanted up though dammit.  You know I have a few of their CDs I've gathered over the years and every single one is missing.  Not the cases, just the cds.  I'm wondering if we had a GNR fan babysitter back when I was working.  We did have the babysitter who had her boyfriend over the night the little boat motor disappeared….hmmmmm.  Then there're the sisters who installed crap on our computer…..hmmmmm.  So I guess one could have swiped Guns N Roses cds.  I don't really care but for a few songs.  Mainly the yellow Use Your Illusion.  Guess I could just buy another one. 

     Dang life is dull when it's calm.  Nothing much has happened except Stan tried to eat a Styrofoam boat (pay no attention Rachel) and got those white styro beads all over his face.  Oh oh oh….let's see…..there has to be something……..I need to pay bills tomorrow…….and get serious about the lawn issue I guess.  Geesh even my calendar has nothing on it.  But that's just because I haven't written stuff on it yet so hell, maybe I'm missing out on a bunch of stuff.  As strange as it's going to be, Joe needs to get home so life can get moving again in some direction I'm getting tired of treading water.  I think I'll finish with some poetry…..

             There once was a horny old turd called Mo

             Who had a cousin named Jo

             They started to pace

             Then moved on to race

             To see who could land the first Ho.

Ho ho ho….and on that note I bid to you a good night……..

8:50 PM

OS - They could live without me for a month couldn't they?

Jun 3, 2007

They could live without me for a month couldn't they?

I bet they could.  Thing is where can I ship them off to for a month?  Maybe when Joe gets back I can say screw Disney you guys go to the islands for a month.  Right now all the kids are in their rooms and from the silence and the fact they're staying there they know mom's about to lose it.  If they just stick with it for a few hours all may be well.  Maybe they'll fall asleep.  Maybe someone will bring it up to whoever dictates such things and point out that after eighty or ninety days MOM NEEDS A FRICKEN BREAK.  Last night was nice, but getting a Costco sized sample just makes it all the worse when you realize you can't get the whole 20 pound bag.   Stupid thing is all I ask for is time alone at home.  I know the boys will be in first grade in 2 years but will I last that long?  Oh god it's quiet in here.  Hell maybe I'll just sign them up for the full day "enrichment program" and tell Joe to pay for it.  Maybe I'll become a lesbian and join a nudist colony that farms organically and treats animals nicely.  Then lots of people would see my turtles.  Joe called this morning, he was on a bus on the way to Fort Carson.  He should be home in less than a week.  I'm pretty sure he's going to want sex.  I'm pretty sure he's going to be nice because he's fucked up royally and on some I'm sure un-admitted level he knows it.  How do you live with that?  I can forgive and maybe forget but do you have to live with the hypocrite knowing what he is?  Knowing what he'll do as soon as you let down your guard?  I really don't want to spend the rest of my life being a bitch.  Maybe he wants me to because then he can use the line "my wife is such a bitch".  Power to the bitches of the world, they seem to have the right idea.

2:03 PM

• • Rachel Frazeur one week camping july 9-13!!! NO KIDS

    • Reply(1)

    3 years ago
    • 
      Stupendous Jen I quite possibly can make that!!!!!!! Maybe. dammit.

      3 years ago

OS - I did something so disgusting I'm not even going to tell you.

Jun 3, 2007

I did domething so disgusting I'm not even going to tell you.

It's been in the garage since CHRISTMAS!!!!!!     Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.  In the back of my mind I've known it was out there, I haven't wanted to face it…….but with the hot weather I had no choice.  It was starting to smell.  A few days ago I put it out in the driveway hoping the heat would help with the problem.  Kind of made it worse though.  Fortunately, the other night while parking my ass on my patio with a beer it seemed the right time to take care of it.  Maybe the beer helped, maybe the time was just right….who knows…..but within 5 minutes that load of 6 months was lifted from my shoulders.  I will never do that again.  Ever. 

So I went out last night with the bunch of people I didn't know, it was fun in a here's-a-bunch-of-people-I-don't-know sort of way.   We went to Marco Polos then over to Bentleys for a bit….veggie curry and beer……..what more could a girl want?  Well, bad question but you get the idea.  Earlier in the day the kids and I went and hung out with the Frazeur clan at a safety fair thing or something, free hotdogs.  That may not sound exciting but if you delve deeper "free hotdogs" means "mom doesn't have to make lunch".  We were there long enough to see them tear apart the car TWO times.   Wow.  Isaac's allegies popped up and the poor kids undereyes were swollen up to an obnoxious height, enough that he had one of the Lifeflight Helicopter people checking him out…..great.  I'm thinking this year I'm going to have to medicate them lol.  At least right now, it's been a bad week for me, Isaac and Katie.  Jake hasn't been hit yet thank god.  I can't wait til he does though, he is the biggest whiner of them all. 

I think I was supposed to work on the lawn yesterday wasn't I?  Ooops.  Today, yeah…..today. 

7:56 AM