Friday, December 23, 2011

Too much? Shhhhhh.....don't tell anyone.....blah blah blah poop.....

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We have not spoken much about what the boys are eligible for after my death. My disability benefits will stop immediately. The boys are eligible under what is called DIC or dependent indemnity compensation from the VA. Each one should receive up to 350.00 each per month. I don't know how much they will get from Social Security, that will be determined by them but I'm estimating up to 900.00 each.
I have chosen not to pay anymore on my life insurance benefits and will probably be terminated. Self inflicted deaths are not covered anyway.
You have killed me many times before my actual death. I can't believe how you hounded me about online crap while in Afghanistan. Other wives worry about their spouse's safety and your biggest concern was you internet crap. You tracked me like an animal until our separation through online, cell phone or at the mention of a woman's name while you were screwing around with ex lovers and other men from online and offline. Most of the things I learned about was after the fact.
It was difficult coming home all screwed up mentally, physically, and emotionally and you compounding it daily by your endless interrogation of my daily activities at work where I had to drag myself to perform daily. You were accusing me daily of infidelity when you were the one that was committing it daily. I wonder how many afternoons you spent in a motel with  *********** screwing him or some other @@@@ buddy you have on my dime and coming home to give me my daily ration of shit.
I find it totally appalling that you present yourself as being all holy and righteous when you are nothing more than a gold digging white trash. You might want to look at the fraud you committed when we separated. You were getting child support and in-kind support in the amount of 2,850.00 monthly. That would not have qualified you for food stamps and cash from welfare.It'll suck for your taxes and pay to get garnished to pay back all the amount you defrauded the state.Not to mention that you were selling your food stamps to your mom for cash.
Well, not much to say, other than death is welcome considering all the hell you've put me through the last one being May 2nd of last year when you deliberately assaulted me and damaged my body further that what it had. Life has not been the same for me since that day. I'm tired of waking up to daily pain and headaches and having that greet me each day.
I hope you are prepared to deal with the boys and their anger, behavioral problems and possibly suicide attempts when all of this is over. We love each other so much that you are bound to be the focus and blame for their anger, resentment, and the fact that their dad won't be a part of their lives anymore.
It hurts me to look at them and know that I won't be around for their 10th Birthday and beyond. This might be a relief for you since you are always looking at my demise. Your response when I told you that I tried to hang myself on May 2nd of last year in jail was...."Too bad you didn't die!"
I will make sure that whatever method I use is 100 percent successful. Christmas Day is coming up and maybe I'll just give you and the kids a Christmas you'll never forget. As far as things go for me, I've been dead since I came back from Afghanistan other than biological death which will happen soon. Dying does not bother me one bit. A 1 oz. slug coming out of a 12 gauge and the barrel in one's mouth will assure a certain death. One millisecond is not much wait for that slug to sever the spine from the brain at the cerebral cortex and the whole world as I know it will turn black forever. Peace at last!
These are some thoughts you may want to look at or forget. Do not try to complicate things by printing this email and taking it to DHS or wherever the @@@@ you take it to. I love my boys and will not harm them in anyway. Please allow them their visitation on Christmas day since this will be the last time they wll be seeing their dad. 
I know you're not supposed to air dirty laundry and such but maybe the world would be a better place if more people did.  After years of crap I can now say he has been arrested on 5 counts of sexual something in the first degree all of which are measure 11 offenses and he will probably be in jail for a bit.....don't know how long of a bit. 
Merry Christmas.