Monday, May 3, 2010

Ay yi yi.....what a day. Feeling pretty good right now though, let's see.... I escaped a felony assault charge by the grace of one childs good hearing, I've learned that not being able to sleep , eat or cry seem to go together and I seem to be up against a hairy divorce. All in a day, or two....depends on how you count. I just want the house and the kids, I'll take all the bills, leave any investments and retirement stuff, spousal support could be so simple. But it won't be. So tomorrow I have a job application to turn in, food stamps to apply for, not for the food stamps but for the speed with which they can process child support orders, get in line at legal aid/look for reasonable lawyers, and check that agency that might help with money to change locks ect. Yes, I'm scared, I could handle just the divorce part but I strongly suspect it's going to be a circus. Why expect more in divorce than you got in marriage? I've done it before I can do it again but I so wish it could be logical. Packing up stuff, seeing what he wants....I'm thinking probably just the TV but who without TV is actually pretty cool lol.....been there done that last time lol. I do hope he doesn't want the computer though....facebook keeps me sane. Actually I would rather he take the computer than the desk....but then I have to get all the pics out. Dang. Tomorrow. I want to use people this time a popsicle stick fortress. Just stick them all down in the dirt like popsicle sticks in a circle and sit in the middle....maybe cry, maybe just sit there. I think maybe that means I'm tired of it. Crap....18 years. Teach your little girls a phrase, teach them "hell no"'ll work wonders if used correctly. Which hopefully I have perfected by now, the use of hell no. I'll find out I guess. Because I am never doing this again. Ever. If I get out of this with the house and the kids I have all I need, I love this house and I love my kids and I have no great need for any more. I don't want to do this again but am glad I know how. How to live well on virtually nothing lol. Last time I made $900 a month and had a mortgage of $878.....I'm actually quite proud of that but that was when I was 29 and fiesty, I don't feel so fiesty anymore. One time I took 80 gallons of outdated cream that was being trashed and made it all into butter lmao......that was a project. but I didn't have to buy butter for ever. 80 gallons is a lot of cream. I've done a lot of things lol, good times good times. I just wish it could be normal. I can handle life, I can't handle crazy. I've told the kids so many times in the last 2 days it'll be ok now they're telling me. God, I hope it's allowed to be ok, just leave it alone and let it be ok. I don't know where such hate comes from, I'm not perfect but there's no reason to hate me......but if you must be warned.....a friend gave me an electrical device that can scare the dogs from a room away. I don't want to do this again. But I can. At least I got Cirque Du Soleil in this time....ironically I bought the cool keychain that no longer has a cool car to go with it. Oh well.......later. Know what's a bummer? I left my Lady Gaga CD in the car....I'll never see that again. Or if I do I'll be surprised. I can do it, just leave me the house and kids. If not house then kids. Please.

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