Really? Really, really really?

     I mean really?  Things are settling out, tread lightly, establish boundaries......this can work.  Boys are gone, with him........the girls and I are sitting around talking and she starts crying and lamenting never having had a "nice guy" living in the house and how she remembers hiding when her dad came home from work and how the other he wasn't any better with his "It's ok to do this's".  Oooops.....hadn't told me that part before.  I'd only heard the sleazy questionable parts, not the I couldn't get away because his arms were around my waist parts, or the alone in the room clothes off touching parts.  She told her sister, who did tell me about the money and birth control part and I did have that out with him, she told two, possibly three friends, who told no one.  She didn't tell me anything.  He would have been gone long before the totally losing it and the threats of death.  By the way.......don't do that around children.  It lands you in jail.  Wth, wth, wth?  I mean really?  Wth is he thinking?  He's doing this during the same time period that his brother is being sentenced to 8 years for the same thing.  Really?

It's warm in here, but then again.....I am wearing flannel

   Don't know what's been going on lately but I've been sleeping 5-6 hours and getting up.  I don't have a problem with that as such but when one goes to bed at 10:00 one then gets up at 3:00 or 4:00.  That's early enough that the spiders are still running around freely.  I don't see spiders during the day much but they skitter around at night.  Spiders aside, I have this great urge to buy paint......but I won't.  Not til the quantity of stuff in the house levels out to an appropriate amount of stuff for the size of the house.  I figure that to be oh........1250 sq. ft. divided by 5......250 sq ft each, divide by age of person......multiply by number of pets.....yeah, way less than we have.  It amazes me how much stuff goes out of this house and there's still more.  When Tom left he took 2-3 pick-up loads, I've always got a Goodwill box going, in the past year I've hauled 4-5 van loads off....and yet there's more.  I keep thinking I must be getting to the end, I must.  I pulled 4 large boxes of stuff out of the boys room a couple days ago......I have faith it will end. 

    I've heard that people in times of change or uncertainty start to hold onto stuff in case they need it, I've always gotten rid of stuff.  If you give it away it always comes back when you need it....if you sell it you have to buy it back if you need it lol.  Anyway, times of whatever I've always wanted to be unfettered by stuff.  Almost there, yeah....almost there.......AND, once I am I can buy PAINT!!!  Does anyone else think one exclamation point looks too feeble?  or is that just me?  Once the stuff is done I'm going to take everything off the walls and sit back and relax as if I were in Yoville or my little Sim house......I'm not nuts, it's early and I don't care.  If I don't work today, I'll go through stuff and maybe clean up the side yard or pick blackberries. 

Off to shower then start the round of kids awakenings........first day of school and all.

How do you make that sound? It's not quite a raspberry but kind of a raspberry whew combo?

     Well it's been quite a year, two months and eleven days.....or 437 days......got my 5 or so tubes of paint out and dragged the big canvas out from behind the couch and made me a picture so hopefully I can change my direction a bit back towards where I want it to be.  I like my picture, it's blue and red (limited colors lol), nobody else does but that's ok....ok I lie....Carolee says she does but she's just nice and I can always force a child to like it.  Childhood family folk never say anything, I think they just cringe and say "OMG she's doing something DIFFERENT.....stop her, stop her quick".   You think I jest?  I've been banned for the posting of a cute picture of two people having fun....omg.  Ever feel like you're stuck in a Martha Stewart world?  Anyway.........

......it's funny how I feel like I can talk about stuff now but don't really want to. Maybe I'll give it a whirl....like the HUGE concrete pad in the backyard.  Really?  Ok, I refer to the thing as the Mega shed project or the Launchpad.........whatever you call it it ain't coming out so I've been trying to figure out exactly what to do with it.......It's huge, no idea how big exactly but big enough for a largest possible shed, a greenhouse, and a hot tub "structure".......and it's visibly crooked.  I mean really....who goes into a project of such magnitude and expense WITHOUT A PLAN????   Whatever, I now am the possessor of such a treasure.  I know how much fill is in there because I put it there, I know how much re-bar and concrete are in there because I wrote the checks.....and I know it would cost more to take it out....so, cool bbq?  fire pit?  gazebo?  planter box garden?  all of the above?  What does it matter lol, the whole yard has gone to pot....heehee, I said gone to pot.  Ironically that is the one thing I don't have to worry about it going to anymore.  Next year, next year I'll get on the yard.  Maybe this year.......nah.  This year I'll aim for some semblance of not needing a herd of goats to get it back under control. 

     I finally got into the subbing thing around Christmas time last year and that'll do for now, actually got hired for a job in february of last year but with the way things were with the schools and budgets they just let all temporary positions go to make room for permanent people shuffling around.   So, back on the sub list I go.  It's not a job one does for the pay lol....took a 20-25% paycut this year over last year, no benefits and no stability......but it has an awesome schedule.  I like the work for the most part and once I get it figured out and go get my masters I can at least sub at a higher level lol.  I wanted to write lyrics for Under the Boardwalk except make it Back on the Sub List a while ago, never did.  Maybe I will tonight.  Off topic here, but one thing I like about life now is that I can buy and actually listen to music now.....which I'm doing now : D . 

     Kids......hmmmm....who knows how they're doing.  I've given the girls an excellent education in what not to do with their lives.  I worry about Anna becoming too hard, I worry about Isaac being too sensitive, Jake is a survivor....he may wreak havoc elswhere but he'll be fine.  I worry about Katie the least, hopefully she'll avoid the pitfalls.......but if she doesn't she'll be ok.  She reminds me a lot of me, she'll sit back figure it out and move on. 

     I wish I didn't have to do all the self protective measures, I wish things could just be logical and sane, but I guess they aren't going to be.  Things are going to be expletives and threats and all I can do is know the legalities and stay within those boundaries and all should be fine.  And I hope he's with his current long enough to transfer all of his stuff onto her lol.......poor woman.  Anyway. 

    

It's hot and I'm jazzed on coffee

  Those are good nights.....those nights where you kinda feel like staying up and kinda feel like lot's a coffee.  They used to be nights of spastic laundry dish doing until I saw the light one night.    Did you know you can spastically do every dish, wash every bit of fabric in the house, sweep every corner and it doesn't matter?  It doesn't.  ok....I will admit if you never do any of those things you will regret the 3 day laundry marathon that you eventually get to......yeah I'm down to I think 3 loads.  It's been a sucky 3 days lol.  Now it's more a time to go buy those songs you keep looking up on you tube, good golly it's hot.  What happened?  Did my order to cancel summer get lost?  Fall, winter, spring, fall, winter, spring that's all we need.  Though I must admit the allergy issue was much alleviated today....just noticed that actually.  I don't think I've blown my nose once or scared a cat with a sneeze all day.  Cool. 

Anyway, school ended, my temporary position has ended but at least now I have a work history more recent than 10 years ago.  Got to the end to experience just a bit of drama....Nooooooo, I don't do drama, I don't do drama, I don't do drama........aaaackkkk.   Drama survived, besides who am I fooling I either do do drama or attract it really well.  I just wanna laze around looking for bunnies in the clouds......or giraffes or big scary monsters.  The one who mustn't be mentioned, I'll just call him Tom.  That's T O W M B M switched around to towmmb which sorta sounds like Tom.  So anyway, Tom blew a gasket again, this time over Father's day......something like this. Him "I want the boys on Father's day" me "OK", him "Blah blah blah call attorney denying me rights blah blah blah blah", me "enough already I said ok".  End of call, 10 minutes later....ring ring.....me "hello?" he "hi I'm an attorney" me "oh for pete's sake".  Of course I paraphased a bit, left out some expletives and tears and such crap, but that's the gist of it.  So as a result of that conversation the boys and I got to take the train and it has been dictated that we are following the visitation schedule to the letter, no variation.  This works out great for me because I like to plan and now I can.......would suck for someone who doesn't plan very well.   I got me a calendar and have the next year and a half scheduled out now......go ahead, give me a date and I'll tell you who's got the boys. 

Let's see, boys are done with baseball......they won the playoffs woohoo, go boys team.....and done with cubscouts for the normal stuff.  Unfortunately most of the summer activities fall on Tom's days but that's ok, though there were a couple I had been looking forward to.  Oh well.  Anna is now a member of the Olyannes, the school dance team,  oh dude.....I just noticed they're the Olyannes and she's Anna....she's an Olyanna!!!  Katie is still trucking along with the violin and seems perfectly content with that.  Dogs went up to a schauzer rescue in Washington and have been adopted by people who are doing such things as taking them to classes and probably putting bows in their hair and I have reverted back to cats as I had before.....I had 5 at one point lol.  Then they all got gone....Cloe, Lucy, Nuts, Henry and Emily.  Now I've got George and Surely.  The household pet shui has been restored. 

I'm tired, life is good......g'night.

Oh who knows.....call it what you like

Hello.  This is going to be a mind making up exercise.  I have a problem.  It's huge........gargantuan even.  Almost too much for one person to bear.  Are you ready for this?  My parents want to throw me a 40th birthday/you're divorced.......again type party.  You'd think I could find something else to not be able to sleep over.  I guess I'm lucky that's all I've got to fret about......."Dude.....my parents want to throw me a party, can you believe the audacity?"  I'm looking forward to turning 40.....I've been telling people I'm 40 for the better part of a year already anyway.  It does seem weird to be 40.....I don't feel 40, still feel about 26........29 was a good year also,  although that could be attributed to the end of decade divorce phenomenon.  Have you ever decided that you were just not going to use a form of punctuation?  I have....won't use colons or semi-colons.  Anyway, as far as the divorce issue, I was thinking about it the other day and had a certain feeling of accomplishment come over me......there's something to be said for doing it, not once but twice, that well......I don't know.......kind of makes you feel freer or stronger or less likely to really care what the neighbors think about your armpit high lawn or when you get the blank stare over some perfectly logical statement.  Maybe it just makes you weird?  So anyway, I've been stewing over telling my parents no I don't want no stinkin' party and just saying ta hell with it and just giving them a list of every person I've ever met.  Well maybe not every person.....hell why not?

Wow....how’d I go there?

Posted Date: : Jul 14, 2008 11:24 PM

  

Today was the first day of the pigfest….I mean County Fair.  In defense though there are a lot of pigs there.  Grandpa brought Anna and Katie out there this morning and I managed to get there with the other four there by 9:30 am.  Anna did her showing thing, her pigs apparently stink, but Anna did ok.  It was the judging of the animal day and face it, if your  pig don't have good hams, your pig don't have good hams.  I can relate as I don't have good hams either….though my bacon is fine.  So me and the four wandered around the fair afterwards til about 2:45 then went home.  Tomorrow I need to have all six out there by 7:00.  The only benefit of having to be there so early is that there's no one at the gate to pay….muahaha….I don't feel bad though because after 4 days I think they should pay me to come back in.  I swear the kids and I have seen Professor Bamboozle's show at least 30 times over the years.  Somehow I ended up telling the kids I'd give them each $20 to spend as they see fit, I never would have done that with just my own but the other two don't understand not going on rides.  Doesn't make sense does it?  Actually I figure it makes perfect sense….that's why some utility is frequently shut off lol.  I just can't, seriously, I can't hand over the cash……..I mean really WTH….$4 to go in a circle (take the $4 and multiply by 6……um no).  I'm not stingy or cheap really because I have no problem giving them the $20, but to stand there and fork it over myself hurts.  Really.  At least this way I don't have to be the mean one humming and hawing

Ok, this is five days later…….computer went freaky on me when I was writing the above so I just gave up.  Ironically it started back spacing on everything but the back space key itself has never worked, The One Who Mustn't be Mentioned says it's something in the computer, I say it's the keyboard because it's done it since we bought it and the old one never had that problem.  Seems to me we could have returned it right away and tried another one out, but noooooo.   So now we have no backspace ability. Se la vie.  Anna showed her pig again on Friday and did an awesome job of it, and I don't say that lightly….she really did.  The auction was Saturday night and Molly I think went for $560, not as good as years past but still decent for a 12 yo.  Besides the pig had lame hams. 

I've got Junior over here for awhile, his mom's trying to have a baby…soon, soon.  He's a sweetheart though he freaks Isaac out a bit.  Um…..Dorkbutt filed an "injured spouse claim".  Idiot.  Though I'm actually glad he did because now I can move forward un-impeded with this need to be fair to the moron.  The one who mustn't be mentioned says I/we should take legal measures to actually get what he owes and should have been paying all these years.  Crap.  I do have all the paper work though, just a pain in the butt.  Why couldn't he have just been happy taking advantage of us?  Why does he persist in being  the perpetual victim?  Ack…best thing I ever did was divorce him.  I feel sorry for Connie though.  Anyway, the only thing I can think of that would have been an injury to him is that he didn't ask for a modification when he got fired from yet another good job and kept having the same child support but that was only a difference of $35 a month, hardly worth arguing 4 years later.  He's so stupid…you know how stupid he is?  A month or so ago he comes to get the girls and is all manly and puffed up and going to get his way and make me obey.  So he says "you  need to come get the girls on Sunday because the price of gas is killing me and you need to do something to help me out because I'm poor and you sit on your butt all day and do nothing"  or something of that ilk, so I say "ok, we just paid $1020 for the girls down payment on their braces you can pay your half then" and he goes "sputter sputter I don't have $500" I say "I know, that's why we're not making you pay it" and he goes "but you have to help me and pick up the girls".  I have no problem getting the girls from somewhere if it's hard for him to do it but he's talking the price of gas and how it's breaking him…..um….I know he's no good at math but honestly…..$4 once or twice a month shouldn't break the bank…give up a slurpee or something.  He doesn't seem to have any comprehension of the money paid that he is supposed to be paying, I would think if someone isn't pursuing you for $500 that you would let the $4 slide.  $4 that isn't even their responsibility to begin with.  You know…back when we got divorced I, the one with the kids who made $900 a month, sat in the lawyers office and through my own stupidity said he, the one who makes $2000 can't afford to pay $471 a month in child support, and to bring it down to $350.  Which they did.  May not sound like much but since then that adds up to almost $12,000  that I left in his stupid little wallet.  Add to that the loan we split for which he has neglected to pay his half for the past 4 years or so at about a gift from us amount of around $7200.  Then throw in such things as the half he's supposed to pay for any medical/dental/optical stuff that we have never asked him for and it all adds up to MAJOR DORK.  All he has done for the past 7-8 years is gripe that he can't claim one of the girls on his taxes, the cs amounts are set with the criteria that the custodial parent claims the kids, besides the fact that WHY SHOULD I LET HIM?  I don't exactly owe him anything.  Unless you ask him…..he'd say he should have the house….he only let me have it because I had the girls.  Besides the fact that I STILL HAVE THE GIRLS and he's just too incapable to be able to buy a house on his own…..someone has to fill out the paperwork you know, the house was a fair deal…..I could have taken half of his Pers at about $7500, the house had no equity…we could have sold the house had nothing for it and I could have taken half his retirement account instead.  Is it my fault he kept all of his retirement,  cashed  it out and now has nothing?   Nope.  If you ask him exactly how I have "screwed him over" he won't be able to come up with anything.  Just whiny, "I'm too stupid to be able to manage my life crap, poor little me".    So anyway, let him file his injured spouse claim and when it's over I'm though cutting him any slack for being stupid……. I'm getting to be good at bitchy I think.

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Subject : Sandwich bread and flowers

Posted Date: : Jul 8, 2008 9:40 AM

It's Tuesday, day whatever of I don't know how many days til school starts up.  I don't mind the kids being around; it's just that it's the first year in a long time where all kids will be gone all day.  OMG.  Summer's actually trucking along pretty nicely, no obnoxious weather, kids are decent, and life is good.  I picked my first official yard bouquet on Sunday, it's daisies, poppies and lavender.  It has only taken me 10-ish years to get stuff planted to pick….and life is good……and it's a very pretty bouquet to boot.  Thinking ahead to lunchtime, which I rarely do before breakfast if ever, I realized I had nothing normal to give them.  I guess I frequently don't but that's another story.  Anyway I actually got some bread going in the bread machine.  A white bread, said it was perfect for sandwiches.  We'll see.  I've yet to make a bread that was the wonderful homemade   sandwich type bread.  Winco used to sell farm bread and it was just totally awesome but they stopped.  Probably because it was too good.  It competed with the sales of the nasty Wonder stuff.   At any rate my little machine is chugging away over there for me. 

 

Dorkbutt got deployed…..you'd think he would be happy about it lol…..but I don't think he is.  Probably because now he can't complain about how much the one who mustn't be mentioned makes because he'll make the same…..ha.  Ha ha.   It's only six months though.  My brother is going to be nearby, across a border but close, maybe they can get together.  Maybe not lol.  Maybe I should go check on breakfast?

OS - Pasteurized processed cheese food substitute......

 Pasteurized Processed Cheese Food Substitute........

Posted Date: : Jul 8, 2008 8:32 AM

.......what is it and should we be eating it?  Have you ever given it much thought?  I have...since I was a wee child....pasteurized processed cheese food substitute and orange juice drink.  In breaking it down it's pretty obvious, pasteurized - heated to a degree of deadness knocking out all enzymatic action, processed - put through the culinary wringer, cheese - I like cheese, food - food is good, you eat it.  So far so good, we're ate dead wrung out cheese food.  It's still in a food category.......but then they throw in substitute?  What is a food substitute?  There's some toy cheese over at the church nursery that most of the kids have tried to eat.  Is that what it is?  It looks real, even feels real, it could definitely work as a cheese substitute but I wouldn't want to eat it.  Think about it next time you're confronted with pasteurized processed cheese food substitute........same thing when you're confronted with a glass of orange juice drink....the orange drink that has nothing to do with the juice of oranges.  I could ask what is it?  But I won't.  I'll just put them both on the shelf with  Gold 'n' Soft, Wonder Bread, Twinkies and that Supersize Me guys french fries.  Maybe in a decade or three someone will need a snack.